used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
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He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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