I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
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You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
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I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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