he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
