Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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