my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
