I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
