my mouth tastes like poor choices
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
