I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
