He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize