I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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