I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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