remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
