so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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