I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
