It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I need to sanitize my soul.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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