I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize