There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So squirting runs in the family.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
