Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
