she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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