I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
