If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
