So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
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quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
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You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.