I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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