in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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