My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
