u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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