I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Alive.
So much puke
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
