you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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