you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
