hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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