Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
