The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The struggles of a small town man whore
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
