You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
