tell your sister to shave her snatch
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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