When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
