And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
