I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize