tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
