Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
