is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
