oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
