I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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