I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.