You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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