Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
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Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
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She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?