If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
