I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.