You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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