Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother