I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.