thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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