just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You ruined the universe
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
