Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
