I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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