haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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