The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
