dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
