would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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