My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize