it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
