Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
