Swine flu. Run for my life!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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