he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
not ubering you a puppy
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
