At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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